To see and be seen, and the shadow of fear

[Join me on Monday at 10 am Mountain/Noon Eastern for my cosmic conversation with Emily Trinkaus for The Natural Wisdom Podcast. Patrons will receive the Zoom link the day before.}

Spring is finally here, with the contrast of green in the valleys and snow on the peaks, bears grazing new meadow growth, and the first mountain flowers. This is my favorite time of year and it seems to have been a long time coming.

This year the joy and light of spring coincides with one of the more significant Full Moons of the year. Sunday night (or Monday morning, depending on where you are) the Moon, Earth and Sun line up along the Moon’s nodal axis to fully obscure the Moon’s light in a total Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio. This is the second eclipse of this year, and it reaches into the dark corners of our psyches.

Eclipses in general are times of stirring up what’s under the surface, and in Scorpio this action is amplified. With the planet Uranus involved, it can feel sudden and uncontrollable. Cooperating with this Eclipse means being willing to feel, even – especially – if it is uncomfortable. The area of your chart where you have the latter degrees of Scorpio will offer clues as to the parts of your life where fear may be hiding. 

Our fears point us to places where we give over our power to someone or something outside ourselves. Sometimes it’s the monster under the bed; often it’s the shadow of a trauma from the past – childhood, lineage, or cultural. 

One of the fears coming up in my awareness in multiple ways is that of being seen and, paradoxically, not being seen. It seems to trace back, in part, to my earliest childhood memory of trauma, the day John F. Kennedy was assassinated. I was 3 years old. I have a clear image of my mother standing in the doorway of our kitchen, shocked and horrified by what was on the television near where I was playing. I have no memory of my own feelings, yet I know the world became an unsafe place that day.

In that time, the trauma suffered by the adults ‘eclipsed’ that of the children, who knew only that evil had struck and there was no one to comfort them. This story played out in households and schools around the country – and perhaps the world.

There are many variations of this story of grown-ups being overwhelmed and unable to see, recognize, and assuage the fears of children.

In a moment when the bedrock of security and comfort crumbles, we want/need our fears recognized and acknowledged by those we rely on for survival, at least as children. When this doesn’t happen, we may learn – as I did – to hide that vulnerable part of ourselves. We may get ‘stuck’ in wanting desperately to be seen, and yet desperately need to hide. 

This paradox creates the push/pull familiar to many of us of wanting to share our creations – podcasts, blog posts, art and our selves – and connect with people who want and appreciate what we have to offer. Yet, at the same time, clicking the ‘publish’ button, or putting the painting in a gallery, or posting our latest words on social media can bring a paralyzing sense of vague and imagined (or specific and real) threat. The vitriol and judgment playing out in the media only justifies our fears of exposure, increasing with the level of authenticity and vulnerability we display.

This is the fear coming to light in this eclipse season for me, which is in my 5th house of self-expression and creativity. The fear limits my ability to show up, to share my work, to attract clients and students and followers. There may well be generational trauma in addition to what I remember in my life, such as my mother’s experience as a teenager under Nazi occupation of Norway. There may, as well, be past life trauma. There is definitely collective trauma that permeates our culture. Regardless of how ‘personal’ it is or isn’t, the repeating karmic pattern steers from an invisible back seat.

The challenge of an eclipse is that it can expose the raw places of our fears. The gift of an eclipse is that seeing – bringing something to conscious awareness – is the first step in letting it go.

The modality of The Compassion Key is powerfully suited for clearing the patterns of old fears. I am adding Compassion Key clearings to my offerings beginning this July, when I complete my certification. I am excited about combining the insights and awareness that astrology brings with the real-time experience of clearing unconscious patterns with compassion for those who want the support.